I'm Tired but I'm Here

Yesterday I did a small introduction to this post on my Instagram, and a lot of people had pretty strong reactions to it. I don’t want to say they were “good” considering this is a kind of frustrating topic, but a lot of people were feeling the same things I was talking about. So today, to coincide with the statement on my fabulous hoodie, we are going to be talking about burnout and hitting the wall of the pandemic.

I graduated from college the same week we all went into the first major lockdown for covid in March 2020. I was out of work, no longer in school, and now the whole world had basically shut down. I did not qualify for any of the stimulus checks, and no companies were hiring because everyone was downsizing. On top of the fact that the economy was falling apart because no one had any extra money to spend and most people couldn’t afford rent. I was lucky in that I had some savings, was living with someone, and had a parent who was able to help with some of the bills. But so many of us went into survival mode in the first weeks of this lockdown when there was little to no information, and never left survival mode all these months later. Even though the pandemic is far from over, we do have some more solid information, a vaccine that is making its way to the whole population, and some decent practices on how to not get it. But so many of us have still been sitting in survival mode waiting for something new and horrible to come at us. And it makes sense! During 2020 we also had the start of a massive civil rights movement, an increase in homelessness, people dying all around us from covid, and so many other heartbreaking things that were not taken seriously and often made worse by Trump. 2021 didn’t start off much better with an attempted insurrection at the capitol building, Trump not being held accountable for his actions, and now we are seeing a rising movement to stop Asian hate as well as to create more laws to protect women. Everywhere we turn there is something new to focus on and give energy to, all while we are still mostly stuck home and can only talk to friends via FacetTime. It’s no wonder we all losing our collective shit.

For those of us who already struggle with mental health, this has made things worse. Those who didn’t struggle before, are now facing a whole new set of emotions and stressors they haven’t dealt with before. And while I would argue that this empathy and light being shed on all of these causes is amazing, the pressure of the pandemic is making things feel that much heavier and hopeless. Now that we are a full year into this pandemic with things definitely looking up but not really that much better yet, most of us feel exhausted and unable to do the small daily tasks of our lives. For me, I absolutely love clothing and getting ready in the morning for my day, but recently I have been so exhausted and overwhelmed by the idea that I have to get up and go to work where I have to interact with people all has made me wear the outfit above or my other two favorite hoodies of the moment. I haven’t been doing my makeup really. For some people, this may be the norm, but for me, this is so out of character that some of my co-workers have asked if everything is ok because I “just seem off”. I asked a few of them if they were feeling this way right now too and almost all of them said yes. My friends who have jobs they love are hating them more and more every day because it is one more stressor added to their plates. Most people are crashing and burning right now and honestly, it's not our fault at all.

While blaming every issue you have on the pandemic isn’t realistic, if you are having this feeling of hitting a wall, or extra anxiety and depression, the odds are it’s the pandemics’ fault. Like I said above, we have all been in survival mode for so long that our brains are running out of steam. It is absolutely exhausting to be so worried about such monumental things all the time. It is so incredibly tiring to think through every single step of how you might get covid if you go to have a social distance walk with a friend. It’s terrifying to think of what could happen to you or your family should one of you catch covid. I am going to my cousin’s wedding this weekend and I am struggling with a sense of guilt even though it should be a super joyous time because we shouldn’t be with so many people. Then the “screw it” part of my brain takes over and before I know it I am having a full-on battle with myself over it. After speaking with my therapist about these various issues, she had some pretty helpful things to say I think we could all benefit from. She told me to first take comfort in knowing I am not struggling with this burnout alone, and that we all need to collectively relax. She also told me to roll with it and let myself feel burn out, to indulge in the little things that make me happy, to buy that bottle of wine and take a bubble bath, and just to overdo the self-care if I feel like I need to. But after you do these things, remind yourself that none of this is permanent. It may take some time for this to be comforting since you will basically be re-training your brain, but write it down and stick it in your mirror so you see it every day. None of this is permanent. We are struggling now and we are battling for so many important things, but it is not permanent and we will get out of this and see the other side eventually. We just have to hold tight until then.

Madey

Shop this post:

Hoodie- Girrlscout

Jeans- Thrifted, similar here

Sneakers- Vans

Sunglasses- RayBan

Backpack- Botkier, sold out similar here